Friday, October 31, 2008

One more thing, she says
I found this in your bag
This wrinkled old paper
old ink across the tag
from when we were going somewhere together
when we met on the shores and we talked
and i looked at you
pleading eyes,
you never looked in mine
I studied the side of your face
the stubble upon His work of grace
No one knew you , understood
I defended you and kept you good
i did not see the man they saw
they saw not the man beneath the jokes
or maybe that was what i thought
some truth in there i never payed any attention to
but i love you and i'm loyal still
for all you do you've never betrayed me
unless you count the times you strike me
across the heart when you were mad
i love you still and won't be sad
if i am sad, you are hurt
needing to be protected
wounded boy so sensitive
kind and caring when you are loved
defensive because of when you were beaten
yet i am no beater, looking up to you
wanting your love, your eyes
protecting you
perhaps i always sought your eyes
to make them turn my way
when no one else could. they did not see your cheek
the strong jawline twitch when they hurt you again
the man within, the boy
the one who couldn't live for joy.
the one God saved. the one He loves.
and I love you too.
You love me. I know it even when you hate me
when you regard me as gum on your shoe
scraping me off, chewing me up again
but you love me
when you spit me out, you know i'm still there
you don't know my hurt because you
don't look in my eyes
how can you see?
these eyes of mine searching for you
to turn your gaze upon me
even if to strike me again
look at me, please
I imagined that you looked at me, when you asked for my hand
and though you clutch it tightly, do you see me?
you keep me firmly in your crushing grip, do you see me?
i never knew the pain it would be
to live without your eyes.
i will take your abuse, you hold my hand
i will feel your bruising blow, i imagine you understand
who else will love me if not you
it is me who is to blame it's true
maybe not always but i wonder if you could ever make me leave?
hit me, punch me, kick me, give me something
to make this pain real, and not just an empty ache in my heart
you leave me with nothing.
for we are yet unseen, no one sees us
am i safe in your arms? is there danger?
yes, real danger, real pain. when will you love me again?
did you ever trust me? am i the shrew you knew you knew?
i love you and i want you
to look into my eyes
please stop hurting me
stop loving me with your fists, and look into my eyes
if you are going to keep stabbing me
could you do it for real so that i'm not just crazy?
so that its not all me, so that its not
all me who deserves it? stupid wench
i ache to see your eyes
the longer you love me the more you leave me
what have i done to hurt you? i serve you
you lock me up so no one can see
you don't even see because
you don't look this way
then you know what you know
and you know that i'm not leaving,
or perhaps you think i will and that's why you
hold me so tightly, crushing me
then caressing me
then crushing
caressing
keeping me far enough from anyone else
no place to go to escape
when i don't want escape
i want your eyes

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